Not much motivation there

This is a dying blog I see. Not much materials to post. Oh well, better start with something else though.

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My Dating Life is Over.

Si, mi amigo. The dark ages has ended last month. Now, I'm a changed man-- status wise. Still the same guy everyone adores and hates. Just the typical me only with a life partner now.

I tried to come up with a write up about him; That's going to be different. Now, what I feel about this relationship that I have successfully committed myself into is wonderful. It started out as nothing until it blossomed to something else.

This author wants to share the details to you bastards out there. But this time around, I am going to keep it a secret. There is just no point of telling everyone about this because it's my special someone. Get yours.

On to another entry.

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Half cooked... what?

Someone asked me why I pen my blogs as halfcookedabodo. I did not reply to his message but that's not important.

Half-cooked adobo... Actually, I just thought it was a smart pseudonym but not really as smart as I would like to project. Adobo is one of the dishes that is associated to us, Filipinos. This is already given. Everyone knows this. This is old story. Yada. Yada.

But why half-cooked? Why, oh why, you ask? That's because I'm half Filipino. I should have called myself Half-served Adobo, but I can't because I am not thin. Or Raw Adobo, but that's just too icky and will cause digestion problems. Come to think of it. Why can't we eat raw, unprocessed food such as meat in the first place? I'm sure that our ancentors before our ancestors did not find the need to cook food for digestive purposes. They'd hunt around, chase a poor innocent rabbit and  gobble up the poor defenseless rodent right then and there. No food preparations whatsoever.  No anything. With all the fur and the glistening internal organs saying a sweet hello to them. Ahh.. Oops. Rabbits may not have existed there. That's why I simply hate Epic/Period films. I'm blaming evolution for giving us weak-willed stomachs. Oh yeah. So half-cooked is very me. I'm very Filipino in every sense and being however, I don't possess the typical malay look. Maybe I wasn't cooked very well but just the same, I'm still an adobo.

Hope that answers it all. If you have another question, just shoot me a comment or just leave a message in Planet Romeo. Let me see what I can think of.




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Engaged in other things

You might notice the abrupt change of the tone of this blog. That's because it has been concentrated, deflected elsewhere. The sarcasm, the anger and all the emotional roller coaster has been given a different blog-- this is now being in turn just another usual blog--only more honest.

----

My job requires be to be nice to people. But it also gives other people the opportunity to abuse it. I'm just one of them, but I am the one that completely defiles the name of my turf. What's good about it is that I get to see beautiful people. And by people, I mean guys. As the saying in Filipino goes, "Hanggang tingin lang ako." That same job is not allowing me to meet guys. Depressing.

-----

I hate it when this happen: I date a guy only to find out that he's friends with one of the guys I like-- and the other guy isn't interested with me.  What's worse is to find out that someone you had rejected finds a life partner in someone who rejected you. Ah, the circle of life.

-----

I always say to a lot of people that my family may not be perfect, but they're perfect enough for me. Someone needs to re-write that in every Economics book.

-----

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The Sex Predators and the Homosexuals.

Don't ever ask me why I am coming up with this article. I was just at the wing of where I work, got a cigarette from my pocket, lit it and started contemplating about sexual predators for no apparent reason.

If you think that I saw a sex predator, or if I have fallen prey to some of them, you're dead wrong. Sex predators attack minors and not who is an adult with a brain of a minor. I'm just turning the whole idea upside down.

We know that a lot of people despises sexual predators. They gun after minors who can't even defend themselves. I know it's all wrong, disgusting and all the bad stuff in between. It traumatizes its victims and it may have some bad repercussions as the kid grows up. They may have the tendency to do drugs or even excel in life (those who don't find an excuse for their own stupidity).

I'm thinking now that I am thinking about these people, is it the same thing other people are thinking about homosexuals. That our act is disgusting, dirty, wrong, unnatural? Are we, homosexuals, something like sexual predators too? I'm doing this exercise for me to get a deeper understanding about sexual fetishes and acceptability first hand.

Just like them, we have no control over what we desire. For us, homosexuals, we find pleasure in having sex with that same gender. We don't control this. This is what we want and this is how we find pleasure. Countless times we have tried to revert our attention to the opposite sex, but no matter how right it seems, it all feels wrong and fake. I know you agree with me. I feel that this is the same with these guys. They have no control over it. They like doing it with minors and if they can do anything to stop themselves, they will. But they are just humans too. It's always easier said than done.

Now, I feel sad for them. I know I couldn't condemn them. It's just how they are. Much so, I couldn't condemn kleptomaniacs and other psychologically-incapacitated people, because it wasn't their fault to be like that.

No, I won't excuse my being homosexual, but I'm thankful that I wished to do it with guys in their legal ages. (I prefer people 25 above. ;))

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I said Shut Up, Canada!

It's just me.

Just wanted to air it out to everyone except the Canadian Embassy. I think my heart is going there, so please don't deny me even for one second.

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Someone just reminded me of "CLUELESS"

As I am writing this, I am currently single.

Well, from the onset of the blog I have been single, yeah? So nothing really new in there. But what is new is that I have taken a new role: I am trying to be a romantic purveyor to my friends. Call me the bridge, the cupid, the bridesmaid. (Bridesmaid?)

Right now, I have no idea who among my friends will need my services. They all kept mum to what they feel to another guy. I am still keeping that option open though.

That's better than to mope around telling people how miserable I am. "Tell me? Where am I suppose to give all this love to?"

------

Needless to say, I have been dating a couple of guys now. You may be wondering why have I not mentioned this to you? That's because they're also readers of my blog-- in secret. Some of them are purposely checking this blog to read on what I actually think about them. So instead of passing out bullshits, I'm passing this one out.
-------

But let me give out at least a skinny of my dating life now: I am falling in love.  

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Anu raw?

A Facebook friend few weeks back posted a printscreen of someone commenting on his advertisment. Apparently, this friend is a gay flick director. He's a very close friend of my hated director Direk Crisanto Pablo. I hate him because he passes his junk as indie film. Has anyone of you ever watched "Bathhouse?" It's stupid, dirty and does not represent anything I wish to represent as a gay man. It's just full of bullshit and so does everything else. He's passing pornography as art.

Enough about him, I am going to talk about the girl who made the hate comment against homosexuals. She said that no matter how much society is being open in accepting homosexuality as normal, she maintains that she's disgusted by the act. This outraged my friend. Wasn't it obvious? Ni-repost nga e.

If I could condole my friend, there's nothing really wrong with what the girl said. She was just saying that she's disgusted about seeing a man doing it with another man. Quits lang naman. We, gay men, don't like to do it with girls too. Especially with her, that's for sure. We are disgusted even by the thought it --- well, that is for this gay man. I don't want to me handled by girls and it disgusts me. So he shouldn't really mind. Heterosexuality may be normal to about 90% or people, but not for me. So, if the world turned topsy-turvy and the new normal is homosexuality, I would have done the same thing ONLY if someone will ask for my opinion.

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Dating... Dating.. Dating.

Nothing beats the blue when you've just gotten yourself single. You thought that the world is full of opportunities now that there isn't anything holding you back. This you must not exploit.

I have been single for almost 8 months now and frankly, I'm getting used to it. Before, I was giddy with excitement of finding new love. Not true love, just someone I would say I love you to is more than just enough. Now, I'm just in a slump.

Don't get me wrong. I don't like being single. I am at that point where commitment is valuable.

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Please don't call me, Canada!

Life's getting pretty dull here in the Philippines and you're taking that opportunity, aren't you? You know my heart is there and you are exploiting it, luring it like it was some fish to a cat.

So please don't call me anymore, Canada. Just get me and let's get this over with, shall we?


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Keeping up to the promise

Currently, I have come up with 2 more blogs which is still powered by Blogger.com. One is an open digital diary that speaks highly of my life as I see it. Half Cooked Adobo is my most honest blog to date and keeping up with 2 more of these things makes me want to go back and write something more for purposes of rant. I have been sick of trying to kiss people's ass and going back to the original way of blogging as I see it is therapeutic for me. No more bullshit for the meantime.

I also noticed that I still am receiving comments in this site. Forgive me if I haven't replied yet, but I promise you guys I will. I am still maintaining this blog if that's what you want to know. Thank you for the great comments, surely it's coming up as an internal motivation factor for me.


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WOW! 5 Followers!

Seriously, I gained 5 followers for the past few months? I wasn't expecting anyone to follow me in this blog but thank you nonetheless.

Just so everyone in this site knows, I have been busy with a new blog. This is my.. uhhh.. 1st maintained blog. I have a more public blog that I have been promoting to everyone in my social network. Now, I am brain-childing a new one which I hope will put money in the bank or at least be enough to pay for my internet fees every month. The last one is definitely boring but I will make it a point to make it more fun.

See you next ish, motherfuckers! :D

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BLAST FROM THE PAST: I love me some Pempengco

Okay, so I lied. I am NOT a fan, but that does not mean I don't like her. Without batting an eyelash, she's sweet, talented and heck, she's one of the personalities we have left in the Philippines that put us back on the map by ending the long over-dued ice age that was supposed to end like thousands and thousands of years ago.

Hah.

So why is she in my BLAST FROM THE PAST section? I went through some of the comments that I placed on one of this performer's videos. I commented that it would have been better if she take notice on how she pronounce her LONG E sounds. Mo Twister said in his blog about the Korean Pop sensation UKISS (I don't know them) that the fanbase of this group is very catty just like our featured star when he commented that they look like LESBIANS. Actually they do, but that's a different story.

So I shut YouTube down, went to bed and as I woke up, I went straight to YouTube only to find out that there were comments posted against what I said! And they don't make sense at all.

These are non-verbatim but one comment said that "Ang lakas mong makapag-baba ng kapwa mong Pinoy!" and the other I rolled laughing as he/she/it said that, "There is American-English and Filipino-English. I think (my username in YouTube) vocabulary is limited only to Filipino-English. Learn before you teach!" Puta! Ano raw?! Clearly, I will not tell all my readers what is the problem in their argument because I never intended to insult their intelligence anyway. So, what do you think is wrong with their comments? That I will leave it up to you.

I'd love to re-comment on what I said just so I could get even weirder arguements. Hmm.. Come to think of it, I should have-- but my heart is not a willing sacrifice. I will only get myself stressed, though I know that I am not supposed to.  I will only be sorry for inticing a mini-civil war against Charice's hoards and hoards of idealists?

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REPOSTING: Uganda's name is kinda like ripped from Gay Speak, don't you think?

Watch this video first. Here we have Pastor Doctor Martin Ssempa in his views against homosexuality.

Now then, here are my concerns:

1. Wow! He really DID his research! Being a homosexual myself, I have been couple of times rimmed and it was great. But I don't recall having poo-poo in my a-hole. It's always clean I have to say. However:

1.1. What does it have to do with you and everyone else? Will it threaten Uganda's national security?

1.2. How would we know you're not doing it to your wife-- or rather to your boyfriend?

1.3. If you are doing it to your wife, then what difference does it make?

1.4. Why do you care so much of what we, homosexuals do in bed. At least we're doing it with someone who wants to do it with us and not to someone we are shoving our dicks to unwilling throats like what you are doing to these people, metaphorically.

1.5. Is this some sort of frustration, Pastor?

2. Pastor Ssempa, what you just named is called a fetish. It does not only happen in homosexuality but heterosexuals does that too, you know. There is more than a 2o named sexual fetishes in any Psychology and Psychiatry book. One actually requires the partner to drink their urine and be covered in poo-poo, literally.

3. If in case that bill passes-- Oh no! I won't be able to go there. I won't see some tourist attraction like... uhm... the desert? Uh... The... the... fuck. I don't even care. In fact, no one cares a shit about going there anyway. The only reason why gay guys go there is to help you guys because you have been asking for it. This you are very, very good at I might add.

4. I bet someone had a hard-on from the audience while his projector is showing guys doing it with each other. Sweeeet!

5. The visual presentation was blurred. I wondered who's starring there. I just hope that it wasn't Sam Milby. Come to think of it, I hope it was him that's why it's all censored.

6. Besides, no one is taking your talk seriously. I had a good laugh. You can do stand-up comedy when you're done destroying our reputation.

7. I can't stop laughing when you requested children to step out because of the parental guidance nature of your talk. Damn, I can think of a hundred joke on that my brain is on fire!

I was kinda hoping an atheist or a pagan would spearhead this kind of delusion to other people for it to be credible. But I know they know better. So you religious prudes out there messing our case, too bad your god is not very good or very bright because if he was, then all you mother fuckers will die and go straight to hell for castigating innocent people.

Cheers!

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This guy deserves a break-- NOT SAM MILBY!

This is one of my favorite singers, Robbie (Rob or Robby in Pinoy Idol days) Navarro. He was named as the Philippines R&B Knight.

Oh yeah, just ignore the ad about voting him. If you are DYING to, then I'm afraid it's a little too late.

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ANIME RECOMMENDATION: One Piece

Nagka-blog na rin ako e galing-galingan ko na.

Few days before Ondoy chewed up the city and spit it like a sucked-dried tamarind seed, I was suffering from carbuncles. Yes, that's CARBUNCLES. It was more that 3 and more that I can bear. But while I was bed ridden for a week, this anime has kept me company for the rest of my carbuncles' wee period.

This is not just another pirate series or movie like Pirates of the Caribbean. One Piece is THE mecca of Japanese Anime story telling. I am at the lost of saying praise to this anime series. I have been puffing 3 cigarettes straight just for me to come up with a good description for it.

This anime is the longest standing Japanese Anime known in recent history. Boasting a total of 454 episodes (and is still running) and some 500+ manga to date. This is the story of the unbelievable adventures of Monkey D. Luffy, Captain of the Straw Hat Pirate Crew, in his quest for the coveted treasure called One Piece. It was said that who ever clutches this treasure will become the Pirate King. When he was younger, out of frustration to join Red-haired Shanks's pirate crew, Luffy ate a devil fruit called Gum Gum fruit (Gomu Gomu no mi in Japanese) allowing him to stretch his body to magnanimous proportions. Devil fruits come in different varieties allowing users to obtain fantastic abilities. It may give the users animal images and powers, manipulate objects and elements, and some enhance their physical features. The catch is, devil fruit users will be unable to swim.

Joining his motley crew are Ronoroa Zoa, his (supposed) first mate; Nami, the Navigator and weilder of the elements; Usopp, the sharpshooter; Sanji, the cook; Tony-Tony Chopper, the doctor; (Not in picture) Nico Robin, the archaeologist; Frankie, the shipwright and finally, Brook, the musician.

Among all the characters' story, my favorite tale of origin is that of Nico Robin. The story made me cry river! Yeah, I know, I'm such a pussy. Tony-Tony Chopper's origin also gave me the goosebumps and it also made me shed a few tears and there. My favorite character in Luffy's crew is Frankie. I could relate to him so much because I too am such a character in real life.

My favorite One Piece character who is not in Luffy's crew is Boa Hancock of the Amazon Lily Tribe. Why do I like her so much? Let me share with you one of my favorite lines:

"Do you know why I get away with things? That even if I kick a kitten or steal from any would-be ship, everyone forgives me? That's because... I... am.... BEAUTIFUL!"

Hay. Gusto ko ring kainin kung ano ang kinain niya.



Find more related articles about them in it's dedicated wiki. Or heck, watch the anime instead!


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I'm nice and I don't get why people aren't, seriously.

The headline says it all. I'm generally nice and if there are some ways I show evil side, it's only with people I am comfortable enough. Looking back, my evil side is still a good side. So fuck it.

I am saying this because I just don't get why people are sometimes rude. I get rude too, but that's because I need to get rude. There are some people who thinks that by being rude, they can get anything they want-- may it be service or just about anything.

Sometimes I wish I could just stand up to them and tell them that in their faces but my job requires me to be very patient because it's part of our job to understand that there are different people with different reasons why they get rude.

It only goes to show that there are some people who didn't know that there are ten ways to skin a cat. Of course, that too, I am against.

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When milking is too obvious and the franchise is tired already

Milking is an unfortunate curse to some characters may it be on video games or movies. Take the example of Super Mario. Mario, from being just a regular Italian plumber, shoots up to fame when he was warped to a different dimension-- and most unfortunately, in the world of turtles, piranhas and whatnot, when every mushroom is a good guy, except for the confusing gogoombas. Are they even mushrooms in the first place?

The stand alone winner for this round is my beloved Shrek. I have to admit that this green ogre's first movie was a hit! I loved every bit of it and I was rolling with laughter from the start of the movie until the very end where the credits are running. I was even excited that a second film was coming up! So when it came, yeah, I was still laughing, but not really as hard as I did with the first film. The third didn't do well. Well, yeah, I kinda liked the whole Disney Princesses being all down right dirty with their karate moves and stuff. That was cool. But that was it. The last installment didn't even fair at all.

I guess the surprise factor is no longer there. When the first movie was out, I was amazed of how creative Hollywood can be-- twisting and churning beloved characters. It didn't alienate people of all countries because EVERYONE knew the story behind each characters of fairy tale and nursery rhyme. It was funny to see them being redefined, re-introduced and some even blasphemed (Fairy God Mother being evil). However, the whole franchise has started to feel exhaustion from the third installment and while it attempted to make a second wind, I'm sorry but it didn't make it where it wished to get it's grimy and sweaty ogreish hands on.

Too bad there is no such thing as third-wind. If there is, it must have killed dozens of people.

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Why I love Spaghetti

I asked my mom about if she has any idea why I love spaghetti so much. I know she may not have an answer to that, but I was just sparking a conversation with her. To my amazement, my mom said, "Well, that's because that's the only food your father feeds me when I was having you."

Well said.

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Three KICK-ASS Comic Books

Just bought the three comic books at Powerbooks Megamall. This I learned from my reluctant goddess, Jessica, from her blog site. Curiosity made my fingers twitch and my debit card to rattle. From the description, I know it was something different-- and I am a sucker for eccentricity.

TRESE, from the deviant mind of Budjette Tan, concocts a twisted tale of Alexandra Trese, paranormal investigator. She is aided by the Kambal who I will not speak of regarding their origins.

If this comic book will be translated to a film, I wish I could be casted on it too. I'd love to play the part of one of the kambal! Or maybe one of Trese's brothers. Or Anton Trese himself! Hint hint!

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I am so in-love with this guy

This guy has just challenged my very last hope of heterosexuality. Magkamali lang talaga ito sa akin, yuyundakan ko agad 'yan.

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My Superstar Experience

Now, I am a vehicular marketing arm for this game, but before you plunge into this casual game, here are some of the experiences I have gained so far. Make this as a review as well.

I did mention that this game is fucking hard! REALLY! The object of the game is to align your voice with the lines that correspond to the song's notes. This helps you be in tune, so to speak. But it's difficult to maintain it especially if you are a smoker like myself. (I admit it) On several occasions, you know that you are in tune with the notes, but the software couldn't recognize it. Maybe, just maybe, sintunado lang talaga ako.

When you go a room, you will also get the chance of listening to other players as well. So far, the experience was exhilarating! Filipinos really know how to sing. Some of them keeps missing the lines ( I mean the tune lines) but you know that they are very good singers. I tried my luck when one suddenly challenged me. I belted the song "You are not alone" and she tried to beat me with another Mike Jackson song, "Heal the World," which is the hardest song in the list of easy songs. Well, it was a good fight and I emerged victorious. 'Tsamba!

The missions in the game (or tasks) are also perilous. Thanks to grammar errors and unclear mission requirements (I was like, "Where the fuck is the Underground Den anyway?).

Play this game ONLY if, (1) you live alone, (2) your neighbors are beyond 50 meters from you, (3)have a decent microphone (4)your fan is turned off (napipick up kasi) (5)you can do a falsetto. (6) and most importantly, di ka pikon.

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Philippine Rugby team won the Asian 5 Division 2 Championships!

This picture was ripped off from Jessica Zafra. Visit her in her blog www.jessicarulestheuniverse.com and it will put culture to your blood-- or nothing at all.

I'm with the tens and tens (I can't really say hundreds) of her readers who were furiously listening (err, reading) the liveish cast of the games in her blog. Although I couldn't justify it, but who cares, right?

What I am happy about this is that our team,. yes OUR team, smacked the asses of their Indian counterparts. Shows them who's boss now, huh?

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Kantahan na!

Recently been addicted to this videoke online game. Superstar.ph is an online videoke game where being in tune is better than having the vocal qualities. This online game features songs of Sarah Geronimo, Martin Nievera, Freestyle and more!

The game is relatively difficult if you are as tone deaf as I am, but with a lot of practice, I am sure you will make it big time.

Best of all, try to get a score of 20K in one the premier songs and you just might win yourself an audition! The winner of the audition will be with the Pop Princess herself in her next coming album. Who knows it might be you, or me.

So, what more can I say? Join and sing your hearts out! Who knows? This must be your ticket to stardom!
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Master of None (part2)

Again, this picture was ripped from Google. I don't wish to end this blog with any infringement issues.

I mentioned in my previous blog that I may have mastered none of my learned talents, but I do know that I could act. This is now in serious debate with one of the people who I have looked up to.

Recently, I did a commercial for a known car brand. I keep on telling people that this was the hardest commercial I have been so far. The commercials I did were just few and undoubtedly forgettable. I have not seen this commercial being aired. I was just under the impression that I did well, because the producers said so.

My mentor didn't see it that way. He said that I was never a convincing actor. And I only got the looks but not much of the talent. I feel like Deena Jones (played by Beyonce Knowles) in Dreamgirls. I really felt for her, having the looks and the quality, but never the talent. I feel this was just who I am. All looks and no talent. Thanks to my mentor.

But this shouldn't stop me to make myself better. I know that there are things that I should learn to master this craft, but a little encouragement could help, right? I wasn't asking for an opinion, rather, I don't need it. Not that I don't want to see the errors in what I am doing, or finding that my best was clearly not enough, but I wasn't doing serious theater. There is a fine difference between theater acting and commercial acting. The latter requires you to be superficial.

What pains me is that my mentor is right But what makes me happy is that he's not always.

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Sex Education in Philippine Education System

(Ripped the photos somewhere in Google.com)

Yesterday and the day before that, my internet service went to a complete slump. During that time, my television was beckoning me to straighten my index finger and push on on it's, uhh, ON button. Boredom was the key for it to hypnotize me. When it gladly flashed it's bright lights on me, I was in a news program asking viewers what they have in mind about Sex Ed being integrated in the curriculum of Elementary and Highschool students.

Again, the church has something to say about it. They're saying that it's okay for the subject to be meshed with high school curriculum but not with the Elementary ones. They say that we are polluting the innocence of the children.

SAY WHAT?

Innocence? I know sex existed when I was barely out my kindergarten years. The question is, what is so impure about sex anyway? What's wrong with sex and the notion that we have to study sex in general? Are they afraid of that the kid would be so curious about it they will start finding sex partners for themselves just for them to LEARN what the fuzz is all about?Are they scared about the fact that they are brooding possible sex offenders in the near future by exposing children about something very human and instinctive for their survival? For the survival of their very own species?!

Maybe I'm not making myself very clear about this. I believe that if something is sensationalized to stupid proportions, people will be more curious about it. The more you shun them about this issue, the more they get the feeling of wanting to know more about it and eventually doing it. That's why you see more sex offenders coming from the Class C sector (people living in rural areas, sometimes provincial areas) who have limited resources to this information than any other social clusters. Don't believe me? Look it up. Again, they forgot about that part.

The Department of Education's goal for integrating this very well-made-sensitive topic was in order to combat the spread of diseases, to balance out population growth and to avoid unwanted pregnancies which will lead to some serious issues e.g. abortion. So how is the church participating in it? They actually helped out in making all the Department's goal fail, first in sensationalizing it: For making people feel bad about following their basic instincts and for giving out wrong information. According to a survey (Sorry, too lazy to look it up), about 60% people living in the slums have no clear idea on how they get pregnant. Oh yeah. They thought that it was "Heaven sent" or it was "God's will" why they become pregnant. They have no frigin' idea that they get pregnant because they had sex. To them, it was like more of a hobby because they don't have anything else to do productively.

I say, integrate the system even in Elementary curriculum. I have been talking insurmountably about sex education in the rural areas. A lot of them couldn't make it to high school because of economic reasons, then bombard them where they are at their peaks.

Some viewer said that it's the responsibility of parents to teach their kids about it. I'm betting my odds that as they become parents themselves, it will be completely hard for them to discuss it with their future offspring. Why? Because they have been "polluted" about the church and societies ideologies about sex: That it's dirty and plain bad.

Thanks for the help, but no thanks.

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Hear the Tiger roar?

I shot this photo years ago when I was still living in Mandaluyong. (I promised to post pictures here so here it is. It wasn't half as bad.) Mandaluyong City has pride itself for being one of Metro Manila's tiger cities. I remember when I was in grade something during the time when former Prexy Ramos was still in the rampage with his ever powerful cigar, that in terms of economic progress, the Philippines was tagged as the tiger cub of Asia. This title was shared with another Southeast Asian country I think they called Thailand. If not, then I'm sorry. Clearly, I am not doing my homework.

I have a bull to pick on this photo. Manda-Linis is a good slogan. It says alot of what Mayor Abalos wished to happen to his city. We wishes to clean the city off not just physical garbage, but social and economic wastes as well. Good slogan, but not very original. But have you ever notice the picture? It's a tiger, yeah, and the tiger's yawning.

During the proclamation that Mandaluyong City is one of the nation's tiger cities, Mayor Abalos thought that it will be a good idea to post a picture of a tiger roaring. So he asked his staff to rip a photo off from National Geographic, paste it in his would-be billboard, add his slogan and ta-daaa! a poster fit to encourage people to be proud of living in his city. His staff made a huge error. They picked a tiger yawning. I guess they don't know what a tiger looks like when it's fucking mad! I bet no one even noticed it. Either that or they don't care a bull at all.

Could this error be subliminal? That in all honesty, the people of Mandaluyong is just waking up from the almost eternal slumber that they were in then realizing the mess they were in? Or was the tiger just about to go to sleep? Or the tiger may be too tired to do anything now. I am betting that the tiger was just startled from his sleep. I bet he's going back to sleep afterwards.

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OK. OK. WILL START USING PHOTOS ALREADY...

... once my internet service is up.

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WTF? Fake People, I said?

It's just bad that this blog is sorted from newest to oldest. Now, I am obligated to tell you that before you read this blog, feel free to run your sweaty fingers to the earlier blog posted barely an hour ago.

.....


Alrightee. There is one phrase I saw there that I couldn't believe I just said. FAKE PEOPLE. Is there such a thing, a creature, that is certainly a person, but not a person?

Juggling with semantics and pop-ethymology, people came up with the idea of someone who's fake when they are either not sharing their GENUINE feelings to others. You may include people who back-stab another would be gullible bloke. Oh and yeah, you may include bipeds who decide that it is much, much better just to hide the negative side of their colleagues than share what they actually thought about it. I don't think they were fake to begin with. I am feeling more of a hypocrite right now.

In fact, I don't see the point why everybody, including me, keeps on fault-finding people who aren't genuine. I personally believe that "fakeness" is just part of the whole dogma of defense mechanisms. You fake it to avoid being vulnerable. You fake things because you want to get the upper-hand. You use this mechanism all the time. Just like, I don't know, denying you're gay?

In reference to the article below, I retract that statement. I wasn't trying to uncover fake people, but fake profiles. Again, I have nothing against them. I know you guys are just protecting your nuts for the whole homosexual annihilation that will happen when the Opus Dei becomes crazy... clinically.
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Planet Juliet

Been with Planet Romeo for months now. Started creating a profile there few months after Ondoy vomitted the city to almost near oblivion. (Yeah, we puny humans!) And with the past few months I was there, I guess I have seen them all.

Countless times I have noticed some 'details' in other people's profile that kinda made me want to scratch my goatee. Of course, unsolicited advise is only plausible if someone really cares about it. I have talked to a guy, who I am guessing have been with PR for the longer time than I have, said in some details about the things he feels are true in the site. He says they are his theories. Some I forgot... Well, I forgot almost everything he said. I won't keep you hanging because I have made one for myself. A list(no Science involved, just blah-blahs) of narrowing down assholes, punks, effems and totally fake people in that site.

Too bad I am not sharing.

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Keep your universe with you.

Can anyone briefly explain to me what an "Eventologist" is? I'm sure if anyone can, they must be a die hard fan of Tim Yap.

Again, as with Sam, Tim, I hate you too. Forgive me for being straight-forward about how I wondrously feel about you and I am quite certain you wouldn't care about it anyway. So I have all the reason to go ahead and rant my ass off.

As you may have realized, I presume that an eventologist is blankly being synonymous to a social climber. This is how you do your living. You go to parties, because high profile people invite you over. I am not even sure why they invite you. Clearly, you aren't even interesting to begin with. You must be one of them. I blame myself for being this wretched of a guy judging you from how I see you. But what is there to judge? You are too shallow, I find you. It's like judging a book by it's cover because there is only the cover. The rest is just blank. You may call yourself a notebook. Or because you are just one big marketing arm of the highest profiled personality? I guess that must be it. People invite you over because you bring in the crowd of the beautiful. Great! More time to think of puns there.

You mean very special to me, Mr. Yap. I am a very jolly person naturally and it makes me feel very human to feel hatred which you, Sam and Kris all contributed to.
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An Object at a Time

Building mantras may be perilous for some. I know it is for me. It all started out as positive thinking rocks, then I suddenly thought that there could be more specific than that.

My mantra should be constructed very carefully and logically. This is not very tough, but I will get there.

I GET EVERYTHING.
This is such a no brainer. I always get things for myself and if I do this to others, let's face it, I'm still doing it for myself too. We are all selfish and that's okay. We know that the world revolves around us and no matter how much we sugar-coat it with all the goody-two shoes reason that you could muster, it all boils down to egocentricity. Sorry, pals, but really I do get everything.
Speaking of everything, I failed to get the Prince of Persia watch JZaf's giving out. Shucks!

THAT I WANTED
Of course. Why wouldn't I want to get things I don't want, anyway?

NOW
Eventually was supposed to be the pillow word for this article, but I dropped it off because I can't wait for it forever. I will get everything NOW. RIGHT NOW!

SOMETIMES WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER.
Not that I am going to use another extremity to get what I want. Clearly, all the things that I have ever wanted is being attracted to me all the time. The universe, or whatever it is called (I'm dropping the universe part. It reminds me of Tim Y@p. ugh!)will always make a clear path of getting these things, either material or intangible, to my lap.

With this in mind, I should think more superiorly don't you think? No one will know that I am actually thinking this, but it will at one point break the quintessential barriers I have against myself. This will encourage me to fly high and aim for the stars. I am so going to erase the last statement, but if I do that, then I will violate the first rule I have written here.
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Master of None

Recently, I have been trying to win a literary competition in Jessica Zafra's Lit Wit Challenge. Lagi na lang akong talo. Wala pa akong napapanalunan kahit isang notebook man lamang. But this doesn't discourage me. Siguro, it's just high time that I start investing on books to read. As they say, in order to be a good writer, one has to be a good reader too. E di naman ako mahilig sa libro to begin with.

Speaking of books, most of the ideas I know I just simply get from people. When I was in highschool, I was a very raw person. I mean, I have no idea what are the things that I can and cannot do. So, instead of wallowing on the facts of what I can't do, I started exploring things I can do. Turns out that they were many, thanks to the people around me.

This happened to dawn me when I realized that I need something to do in the talent portion of Mr. Intrams of 1995. Completely baffled, I tried consulting people of my god-given talent. Turns out, wala. I can't dance and I can't sing. The only thing I could do were very academic. In short, wala nga talaga akong talent noon. I did declamation because I know I can act. But as I grow older I realized that acting is actually no acting at all. Naturally, talo na naman ako.

When it was all over, I tried putting a list of the things that I wanted to do and started working on them. I consulted a friend who is a dancer. I asked her what does it take to be a good dancer. She said that you should be able to swing your hips. Then I started swinging my hips. I joined a dance contest and although we didn't win, people started saying that I am a better dancer now.

Singing was the hardest as it requires discipline. It's easy where you can find people who will teach you. I simply just joined a choir. Eventually, this was the most embarrassing moment of my sheer life. Having no idea how to sing, I crooned albeit tragically, in front of all choir members. Everyone was laughing. I was bright red but I was still smiling because I know that is the only thing I can do best. I heard someone from the background saying that I was the worst would-be choir member. It didn't stop me from singing though. It was a good thing that I was a good listener so whatever the choirmaster was teaching us about voice I quickly grab. Until eventually, I have started joining singing contest and thankfully, the highest I have achieved was 2nd place in a college singing contest. Given na yun. Di magagaling ang sumali.

I tried drawing too. Mastering the art of portraits and human figure. Who am I kidding? I couldn't master it! But what I found out is that I am very good in copying images thanks to my gift of spatial relations. Ha! This also includes trying my luck as an editor in a school newspaper. Again, my talent is raw and I know that I won't be able to make it that far. Turns out, I end up being an Associate Editor and gained the 7th spot in the Divisional Press Conference in Editorial Writing. I could have been better now you know, but at least, coming from someone who has no passion for writing then, it was victory for me.

Clearly, I can do a lot of things, but I have mastered none. Siguro, I have always been out of focus. But what I am trying to focus now is acting. This I am sure I can nail especially now that it's bringing me that long strip of bacon.

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Excuse my being politically correct.

Okay, so I am giving up creating a public blog. I feel half-heartened probably because that my blog has very poor layout. If only there is a way to make it personalized that I could just design without having the trouble of learning CSS codes, then the better. For now, this will do just fine.

I have been mentioning in the entirety of my blog how it is living as a closet gay around this part of the world. Normally, it will all revolve around dating and stuff that makes other people feel icky and grows this long desire to wash their brains. Not that I'm going to start another explanation.

I do have political views too. This is because I have started reading opinions in Inquirer.net that I have already created some form of views here.

My stand is, FORGET IT! We have already strived to be corrupt-free since the time we first realized that the government is not what it seems. The long history of cheating in elections, of graft and corruption, of every bad rumors we have heard, will NOT be resolved kahit ano pang gawin natin. Even if you stand on hunger strike in Ayala. Even if you do another EDSA 14th whatever. This issue of poverty will NEVER cease to exist. The rich and powerful will NEVER bow down to commit to their crimes. Even if I am on their side, you know, being rich and powerful too, I wouldn't let some puny journalist (or blogger) or a weak revolutionist destroy all the the things I have done just for me to reach my goal! Do you actually think they will change their ways? Do you think that there will be change enough to see the Philippine government in a much, much cleaner agency? DON'T BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR ON IT.

But you see, I am a positive thinker still. I know that even if this is the case, somehow, I will always get what I want- everything that I want. Kahit gaano pa sila ka ganid, they wouldn't even notice that I'm prancing like a deer when I simply get all my hearts desire. The government will never stand in my way. They never had anyway.

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My Blogosphere

Two of my favorite, favorite media personalities I have been very keen in following their blogs. That would be Jessica Zafra and Mo Twister. 2 completely different entities and both I know I am relating to in much less than the other.

The reason I am sharing this is that I'm planning my blog to go forth and multiply. I wish to share the views of people through a very provocative blog. I have written things about anything and I guess it's about time to go to the mainstream and show part of myself to the world. Of course, di lahat ng isusulat ko dun e gusto ko. Siguro, anything that catches my attention. I should start doing that now.


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This time I'll be sweeter

As always, this author is in work right now. I don't want to do the same old stuff that I do everyday or for this case, every night. I'm just practicing the idea that in order to be productive sometimes you just have to slack off. It sorta energize me in a way. Just doing anything to energize me up. No. Who am I kidding? The water dispenser's hot faucet is broken and I couldn't drink coffee right now: that's the real issue. Better buy one of those coffee they offer in 7-11. French Vanilla Cappuccino, nga ba yun?

Ayan, may kape na.

Tamad na tamad pa rin ako kahit nakahigop na ako ng kape. I'll be back to work anytime soon so I have to run through this article first.

One of my exes came to me one day and it sparked something new to me. Just something I want to write about but clearly nothing very significant unless something ever happens.



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Alternative Form of Prayer

Before the advent of blogs, I have been keeping a journal since I was a youngster. I have not read it since because I kinda grew tired of reading them. But whenever I do, I just laugh at the fact that sometimes the wishes I make there suddenly comes true without me even realizing that I have wished for it in the first place.

Good thing though, I still have a spare notebook that I can use to write a daily journal. This time around I have reinvented my journal.

Instead of writing my day to day activities, and to avoid being redundant of saying the same old boring stuff over again, I have decided to use it as a tangible means of prayer.

I am not Christian, or have not been a Christian since 2004. That's approximately 6 years of not being affiliated with any religions and I know that prayer came from them. I am thinking of putting a name on it to guise that fact that it is a prayer book. The idea of it suddenly died because I will just be as hypocrite as them. Sorry for the strong words, but I am just being me. I am not even spared of being criticized anyway, so might as well fight back.

Currently, I am on the 2nd page already and one of them suddenly came true. Sweet!

Anyhow, this medium is a representation for me that even if I venture out of my comfort zone, I will still be taken care of by any sort.

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The Catholic Church should mind their own god-damned businesses!

You know what, I am getting sick of the Church having to say about politics at all and making them public about it. This Supreme Court decision of allowing Ang Ladlad to join the roster of representative party-list is one they will not pass out! Out of nowhere, here they are with their mangled perception of what morality is, condemning the act of homosexuality an immoral act from god and it has to be banned yakkety yakkety!

Shut up, already!

I know that because a lot of Filipinos are Christians that gave them the power to have a say on a lot of issues being brought upon by, I don't know, radical idealists, social reformist and the likes, and actually influence people to stop the progress of the nation. Include the reproductive health bill in the scenario. They were against Reproductive Health bill because the bishops say that this tolerates the immoral act of copulating. What I am seeing actually is that they are hampering us indulging on the fact that we are humans. Take note on that. We are humans and part of our animal instincts is to have sex because we need to propagate our species (well, that responsibility has been given out to straight people). They are actually stopping us from being humans after all so that people will have the need for them.

Why can't they just stop their tracks right there and do as every other religion is doing? If it is for the progress of the nation, they why do they want to hamper it? Their perception of morality has already been redefined several times already. Your church is becoming old-fashioned. It's just stupid, I tell you, treating us as if we are children and they are the divine. I can name a lot of clergymen who is not as divine as you think they are based on your set guidelines. I can even name them as being homosexuals, mind you.

People are already feeling the need to change. A lot of the people I have talked to narrates on how they are still Christians but don't go to church regularly. I often tell them that you have no choice but to follow whatever your church is saying, one being going to church every Sunday. You don't have a say about it. That's why you are there, in the first place, proclaiming your faith in it. You don't generalize your own belief system out of what your church is proclaiming because you, if we are still in the 18th century, would have been charged with heresy and probably be burned to death! You are turning into pagans right before your mentors eyes. There are no excuses. If your church says that being a homosexual is an immoral act, then you ARE immoral. No questions about it. But what can you do? I see a lot of openly gay people serving the church, going to church as if they are not being castigated. I don't get it, honestly. The irony of it!

I don't blame everyone for turning another eye off their church. Because as far as I know, they know too well that if they follow the dogmas and teachings their church gives out to them, they'd be DEAD right now!


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Oopps!

While I was drooling over the new IPad that was released some time ago (and mind you I am not an Apple User myself), I suddenly realized that I think I owe someone an explanation.

Really now, it is nothing that I should be bothered about. This is just something I would like to get off my chest for the longest run. It's becoming a bit of a bother now and I just want to have this person share that common responsibility of helping me with the burden. Or maybe not.

You see, while I was in a relationship, there was this guy in our circle of friends who I was very keen of. He was my absolute type. Straight to the point, intelligent and ambitious. Practical, sound and fun to be with. At some point, I knew I liked the guy a lot.

When my partner went overseas for a month or a few weeks I guess, this friend that we're talking about made some efforts to be comfortable with me. I thought this was just some of, you know, things friends do. We'd hang out at some place. Had dinner here and dinner there. I didn't bother getting all shook up about it. Besides, he was my partner's best friend! Everything suddenly changed until that time that he popped an interesting statement. He said that he liked me ever since we met. This came to a shock to me because he was my ultimate crush and I would love to ditch my partner then and be with him.

He went to his province leaving me behind to ponder on things that has happened between us. I know that I like the guy to death, but imagine the scandal it will make if my partner comes home from overseas just to find that I was with someone else! That's stupid and simply irrational that no one in their right minds will do. There is no question about it. There is nothing to ponder about, basically.

So as he called me in the bleak of day, he asked me if I liked him too. I said a big fat 'no.' And he said, that's okay. And then he moved on.

It's sad, you know, that if only people could wait a little longer, then they would have the person they have ever wanted. I was willing to wait until such time that we can be together, but I only said that to him because I don't want him pursuing me for the meantime. I know him too well. If I said I liked him, then he will not rest until he gets me. This is not how you play the game.

At one point, I am kinda thinking that I may be underestimating the intelligence of this friend. But it's really not my fault. He has underestimated me.

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Another Day in the Shower.

What do we do in the shower makes us sometimes uncomfortable to even talk about. But not me! Well, you guys have no idea who the heck I am so here goes.

-- Before taking a bath, I often lie down on my back on my bed and stretch excessively almost profanely.

-- I take out any towel that my hands can grasp on. Normally, they would be in my chair. My thinking chair. I know when I'm thinking, I work up a sweat!

-- The towel will be placed on my shoulders.

-- Before I even go down to where the bathroom is, I would normally smoke a stick of cigarette first, or check my Facebook, or just do something wholesome with the computer.

-- When I am good to go, I go directly to my bathroom. No more pitstops for a drink or something.

-- I will normally place my towel on my towel rack and remove my clothes. T-shirt first, the shorts and undergarments together.

-- Back home, I don't have a shower so I would turn on the faucet to fill a bucket with a dipper in it. By the time I have done this, I am DEFINITELY looking myself in the mirror. Checking all the crevices on the teeth, any pimples, any irregularities in my face, in my hair and so and so. I will smile excessively just to check for any new wrinkles that comes smiling back at me.

-- If I need to sit on the throne, I have to read something. Anything.

-- SPLASH DIRECTION: It always starts on my feet. After 2 splashes, then my head... and I guess the rest will follow.

-- SOAPING: Unlike most leftist, I use lather my body first then my hair. I don't do it the other way around. Now that we're through with it, the first part of my body I lather is my belly and from there I work up to my chest and to my arms. When the soap reaches my hands, I'd lather it up real good and clean my neck, my ears and my face. (Although I'm thinking of changing to facial soap. My face is becoming terrible sensitive to it nowadays.) From the face, I work back to my belly, to my junk, my legs until I get to my foot. I have amazing balance.

--- I don't shampoo very long though. I guess, I just do it for like 5 seconds or so. Then I rinse it off.

---After the hullaballo, what follows next would be putting my contact lenses in (if called for), then brushing my teeth, then shave (if needed).

-- Oh yeah, while bathing, I sing. Any song.


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So my Love Month has passed!

According to some stupid horoscope I was desperately reading during last month, it said that the previous month was the perfect opportunity for romance.

I wasn't even that close.

Oh well, moving on to another prospect, I guess. Why am I so desperate to be in a relationship after all? When it comes, it will. What the heck am I saying? Too much Sailormoon may be corroding my brain!

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When the Straight Crosses the Un-Straight Dimension

Okay, my avid fans (Like I have one), it's now time of the day when I get to see the cross of what-not in my world.

Ready! Okay! (This is so lame!)

It is not a surprise to everyone that I have been seeing this guy whom I have met when I was in the states. As I met the guy, he's been very adamant in proclaiming that he wanted to be friends first before anything serious ever happens. This is only certain when people are straight. You get to have them as friends first then err... more than friends.

A lot of my friends think this is a complete waste of time. They're even saying that this guy is in a relationship after all and he is just taking his time because of this reason. Some speculations arise that he may be not into me and that he really wanted me to become his friend. This is very all immature I tell myself. However, at the back of my mind, I am on the verge of thinking that they may be plausible.

So what do I have to say about this. This blog makes me clear my mind out of it and makes me even more positive as this makes me see the whole greater picture. Less abstracted from the usual quips.

I have been in the relationship first then friends last. This is quite something new to me and I am all willing to find out where it will lead me. :) I really don't wish to over analyze issues but I'm just going to watch patiently where it will lead us. As I always say, let's see how the deep the rabbit holes go.

Back to Sailormoon.

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Recreating Half-Cooked Adobo

Half-Cooked Adobo is my alter-ego. The only AE that nows no anything. The honest. The absurd. The id.

While recollecting my blogging life, this blog among all others is the most successful of all of them. My measurement of success is greatly rooted to the fact that I am stilll writing on it. The pleasure of finally putting the end to paper waste has been effortless for me thanks to electronic blogging. At least, I get to keep it and no one knows it's mine.

For the past years however, I have been very serious of keeping my half-life secret to people who have known me as this straight guy. And even if I tried my best not to say anything about it, there will be people who will know people who knows me. Eventually, they will figure out what makes me tick. This is not something I will be surprised eventually. I am trying to be prepared when that time comes.

It reminded me however that it was easy to admit that you have no religion. It's something undebateable. But it's just difficult to just admit to everyone what you are because it causes a lot of stir. The only stir I was thinking that will affect me personally will be now that if people finds out I'm gay, then no one would like to be associated to me. It will only make them even gayer. The stigma of being homosexual is still there and will always be there unless every god-damned homophobes die out. It is also evident in chatrooms and gay themed social networking sites when would be member would ask you how many people know you are gay. The lesser, the better.

Eventually I realized to stop recreating Half-Cooked Adobo. It's not worth the fuzz. It's just going to make my life even simpler, but very unhappy.
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The Day Before Going To Work...

... I was listening to Mo Twister via his blog site. He was featuring Atty. Adel Tamano whom I fell in love instantaneously! If only I could vote for the guy, I'll make sure to put a little heart somewhere near his name. hahahah!

... I was getting pretty bored with Facebook because I keep my chatbox offline for most of the time. I don't want to talk to someone right now.

... Still thinking of whether I should go to work early or take a nap before anything else comes into play.

... Someone invited me over to a date which I didn't respond to. He asked me of my gay site and I couldn't tell him I recently deleted it.

... I went on an expedition to the far, far corner of my subdivision just to get something to eat. The winner was Giniling, rice and corn on a cob with matching Coke Zero and Marlboro lights!

... Was chatting heavily with Warren-- on cam--- hair messed up.

... I was browsing through Jessica Zafra's and Mo Twister's blog and thinks heavily of going mainstrea just to earn extra money from doing something I love but hated me very much.

... I was chatting with a guy whom I have never met but feels very attached to me. Not that he isn't attractive too, but the way he does his moves made me feel a little bit waay too uncomfortable.

... One of my dates, who one of my friends coined as Santino, woke me up just to tell me about his plans on his birthdays, his woes about people not understanding his invitations, his plight against his step-mother, court preliminary investigations and the occasional visits to the hospital to have everything in him checked.

... I wore an eye mask to sleep just for the heck of it.

... Went straight to the shower because I just want to.

... Again, no cute guys riding with me going back home. They're all women.

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It All Starts with a Kiss!

What if the person you have been speaking of for the longest time isn't exactly the person you are really looking forward to be with eventually?

I haven't met this guy yet, but from the looks of it, I'm already judging that he could be NOT the one. It may come to a decent shock to myself that apart from liking what he is saying and being awed with his excellent command of the language, he might fall short of one qualification that I have which I hold very dearly. I'm a sucker for a good kisser.

Again, let me tell this. I may write at least some topics with sense in them but it doesn't mean that I am a very deep person. I am superficial too. My superficiality lies between preference and magical fantasy world.

If you line up all the people that I went gaga over, there is only one common denominator that I have noticed and deduced for that matter. I like kissing them.

The "kiss" I believe is a serious factor that seals my liking to a person. Sometimes, I get all cooked up with how they look and how they expound on topics I may or may not know of, but when it boils down to it, everything fails if they fail to please me in this aspect.

I have fallen in love with all sorts of guys. I have fallen in love with short guys, with fat guys, with people obsessed over how they look and of how much influence they have procured. I have been crazy with someone with slanting eyes, good looking guys, not so good looking guys, all because they were able to seal their package with that one kiss.

Just to be clear however, I have certain sets of ideals. I like guys who sings very well. I like guys who are very confident of what they feel and of who they are. I am exhilarated when I find out that the person holds a certain amount of power. I am thrilled to be with good looking guys, actors, doctors, cute businessmen. People with wide range of experience and knowledge. People who are older than me. Guys who smells good and a nice house to boot all for themselves. But even if I find someone who meets every single ideals I have except for that tiny little display of affection, then all is lost.

It's kinda stupid I know and at the end of the day, I know I wish I didn't say it. This is my life however and what makes me happy should be my priority. Whatever it may say about me then so be it.

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Want to you Newbie part 2

I am not finished yet.

A warning to you newbies out there. Before you decide on getting on aboard with us, homosexuals, be very sure that you are into it. It's either you are or you're not! Spare us from loving you and then dropping us like a hot potato because you just can't do it! Make sure that you have found it to yourself that you wanted to be us or just be on your way. Don't give us the bullshit of saying that you are afraid that people will find out about you because we are just as paranoid as you are. Before you embrace the fact that you like guys too, stop the confusion drama!

I'm sick and tired of this whole bullshit! Can you not first find it to yourself what you are getting into before you get into it?

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Warn to you Newbie!

I just had a brief conversation with someone I have been very keen of dating. All we did was to talk about personal stuff that doesn't really affect us both. Before heading home, I changed the topic to ourselves. I can't remember exactly how the conversation went, but as apparent with all of my blogs, I'm lyrical.

Frankly, I am just upset about the fact that I meet people who are just trying out what it's like going to other side. As I mentioned in my previous blog, I attract these kinds of people. Newbies. In all honesty, I am attracted to them as well.

This guy I have been dating for a while isn't as newbie as I would like to describe him. Apparently, this guy has been in relationships of the same sex so this kind of set-up is not new to him. As with our conversation, he made it clear that he was just afraid of hurting himself again so he is taking it nice and slow.

The big question is where does that place me? I asked him to clarify his intentions. How does he sees me? Am I a friend? Or am I someone he feels who is up and about being more than that? Primarily, my concern was I was afraid of certain situations that may come up. One is misinterpreting the signals. He has been sweet, caring and has shown great respect to me. I feel that he values me in little things he can. He takes time just to see me. I may not come first with everything, but if he can, he will. These small things I see from him makes me feel that he's on to something different other than friendship. Well, to make things simpler, he told me that he wanted to be a friend first then move to the next level because he wanted to know me more. That notion that came from him is very sweet as well as far as I am concerned.

But the problem is, I am new to this kind of situation. Based from my experience, I know a lot of guys who would like to know me first by courting, or putting me in an exclusive dating schtick so that at least I know where we are getting ourselves at. This whole "friend-first" thing is making me uneasy. The evil "what-if" is rearing its ugly face again but I am happy to banish with a snap of a finger.

I am not desperate of getting him into a relationship or getting him into bed with me. All I am saying is that I don't want to come to a point when he finds himself liking me and it's all too late.


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Should reunions feel good after all?

In one of my paper journals, I have written about my "undying" love for someone whom I have never had. This special someone has an inkling of being in show business because he was a very talented singer which I have been very keen of. I guess, it goes to show that when you really like a person, no matter what they do, it's all magical to you.

One night, we did it. And I tell you with complete honesty that even if it was the lamest sex I had, it was the best. I was granted one of my millions of wishes. Thus, I was happy. I could have been even happier if he was happy too. Turns out, as one of his text messages, he was very sorry it has happened. I was hurt, but I tried my best not to let it affect me in any way possible. I know the guy was very devastated then and all I was thinking of was myself. This whole new meaning of selfishness for me has already taken it's toll. Then I realized, it wasn't meant to be.

Few months ago, I received a message from him. I guess it was sometime May 2009. He was asking how I was. I replied that I was doing well and I asked him the same question as well. He said that he still misses me. Truth is, I was happy of finally receiving something from him... whatever it was. But I am not that nearly thrilled about it. I felt that I was being put up on a game I didn't know how to play. It made me furious by the fact that he was making me feel very confused. I feel I was being manipulated because I was vulnerable to him. This is an improper programming I have developed when I was a kid. I have always thought that when people know what you feel, then they have all the rights to control it and bend it to their advantage. It was long before I realized that this is completely and utterly false thus I am trying to break this wall I have built for myself for me to find more happiness. Before I realized this, I have him.

He finally said that he allowed "it" to happen because he like me too. Now, tell me. Am I wrong in feeling confused now? For someone to keep me in the dark on all the things that were happening to him, of his woes, his pain, his depression, he has all the nerves to tell this to me! I was hysterical then! I know I said nasty things to him, but all because I cared for him too much of nothing making me know what's going on. Finally, after all the drama, I have had to drop the line to him: "The nicest thing you could ever do to me is to leave me alone."

After many months of not wanting to see him, after all those painful moments I have to endure whenever I see him on TV, after all the things I did and the things I have thought of just to be near him, all shattered. I was left impoverished. I tried my best to not let it out on things that makes me me. And after months of self-cruelty, I finally found myself and moved on.

I have always wanted to know whatever happened to him. At least, I just want to know whether he is okay or he is still the confused bastard I have met and hated at least. Turns out, he sent me a message through Facebook. I wasn't really touched by what he said because there is nothing melodramatic about it. He was just being sincere in giving out his apology. Whatever it was, I said, is all in the past now. I am happier now than I was before and I know it is alright to be friends again.

Now that he is back, people who knows about him wonders if I still harbor the same feelings I had with him. It is hard to say that I don't. I met him two days ago in one of the bars he was singing for. He went to where we were and I saw him. He has changed a lot though but he is still very clean, neat and handsome. The picture of him that night is still with me, burned in memory forever. Suddenly, I felt conscious of the way I was acting and I still am behaving the same exact way I was behaving whenever I see him. I guess some things never change after all. No matter how much I deny it, I still acknowledge the little fact that there is a place somewhere in my heart for him. Despite the misunderstandings, the hatred I had against him, the apologies, the putting me in the dark, the confusion, the rejection, I suddenly realized that I was still keeping my love for him protected against these.

All I have to do now is to channel this love I am nursing for him to someone else who deserves it better than him.

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I Shouldn't Share This To You!

A few minutes ago, I was planning of making an blog about gay marriages. What held me back is that it will gear my blog into a different direction. As it is obvious, this blog was dedicated to share what someone like me, a homosexual in the original sense of the world, is made of. I am not made of social issues anyway. Besides, all I am going to say in the my pre-imagined blog is that I am up to it because it will solve 3 crises at one blow!

I like that line, "Homosexual in the original sense of the word." So just to get things straight with you, guys. Again, no pun intended.

I planned of sharing my blog for the first time after a year or so. Well, I did and then after a few days, I decided to remove it. I placed it in one of my social networking sites just for the heck of it. I feel that this is my journal and that I will share my intimate secrets with it. If anyone finds their prying eyes on this piece of material, then I will just be vulnerable to them. That is something I don't wish to happen. Probably, someday I might re-open it to the public. For now, I'm still enjoying every bit of it.

I'm also anxious that one of the people I write about here will find their way here. For the record, I think I have made reference to at least 4 people. If Sam Milby finds my article about him, I'm totally okay with it. Better yet send him a copy through his email or whatever for all I care. If in case these 4 people find their way through my journal, one of them might not read it at all due to certain literary and intellectual concerns which I will not further indicate. Furthermore, I will feel very responsible of what they are going to feel about finding out what I feel about the sitch we were in. (Acid Reflux!) Maybe the others will laugh of how I stupid I was.

I tried my best to be very honest with everything I write about. I just don't name names because it's not my thing to kiss and tell. Hee hee! Or will I ever try to describe them because this is not a blind item. Speaking of blind item, I just found out from a friend that I have people who know me. I don't know if he finds it a turn-off that some people knows who I am... (Hey! I figured a good blog topic! Hahaha!)

And there are some retard critics I have to deal with! They're just making my blog academic. If they can't say something nice, then by all means, say it and say it now! As if I will even care. :)

Let's just not forget the fact that this is mine and I control it. This is my own little universe! If they feel wrong about this, then they should find something to control for themselves--nonetheless.

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On to another year!

For every magazine I have read for the past few years during New Year, there is always a year-ender. If there is such a word.

My wrist is still aching because I just got into a minor accident involving 2 kids, a sled and a steep hill, hopefully this does not find me in bad condition while trying to get over this blog.

As of this comely moment, I am not in a position to write a 'year-ender.' Don't ask me why because I will only answer I am lazy. Browsing through my junk, I realized I haven't done some blogging this year so to formally open the year, here it is.



Another useful blog presented to you by Half-Cooked Adobo. Seriously.