Recreating Half-Cooked Adobo

Half-Cooked Adobo is my alter-ego. The only AE that nows no anything. The honest. The absurd. The id.

While recollecting my blogging life, this blog among all others is the most successful of all of them. My measurement of success is greatly rooted to the fact that I am stilll writing on it. The pleasure of finally putting the end to paper waste has been effortless for me thanks to electronic blogging. At least, I get to keep it and no one knows it's mine.

For the past years however, I have been very serious of keeping my half-life secret to people who have known me as this straight guy. And even if I tried my best not to say anything about it, there will be people who will know people who knows me. Eventually, they will figure out what makes me tick. This is not something I will be surprised eventually. I am trying to be prepared when that time comes.

It reminded me however that it was easy to admit that you have no religion. It's something undebateable. But it's just difficult to just admit to everyone what you are because it causes a lot of stir. The only stir I was thinking that will affect me personally will be now that if people finds out I'm gay, then no one would like to be associated to me. It will only make them even gayer. The stigma of being homosexual is still there and will always be there unless every god-damned homophobes die out. It is also evident in chatrooms and gay themed social networking sites when would be member would ask you how many people know you are gay. The lesser, the better.

Eventually I realized to stop recreating Half-Cooked Adobo. It's not worth the fuzz. It's just going to make my life even simpler, but very unhappy.
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The Day Before Going To Work...

... I was listening to Mo Twister via his blog site. He was featuring Atty. Adel Tamano whom I fell in love instantaneously! If only I could vote for the guy, I'll make sure to put a little heart somewhere near his name. hahahah!

... I was getting pretty bored with Facebook because I keep my chatbox offline for most of the time. I don't want to talk to someone right now.

... Still thinking of whether I should go to work early or take a nap before anything else comes into play.

... Someone invited me over to a date which I didn't respond to. He asked me of my gay site and I couldn't tell him I recently deleted it.

... I went on an expedition to the far, far corner of my subdivision just to get something to eat. The winner was Giniling, rice and corn on a cob with matching Coke Zero and Marlboro lights!

... Was chatting heavily with Warren-- on cam--- hair messed up.

... I was browsing through Jessica Zafra's and Mo Twister's blog and thinks heavily of going mainstrea just to earn extra money from doing something I love but hated me very much.

... I was chatting with a guy whom I have never met but feels very attached to me. Not that he isn't attractive too, but the way he does his moves made me feel a little bit waay too uncomfortable.

... One of my dates, who one of my friends coined as Santino, woke me up just to tell me about his plans on his birthdays, his woes about people not understanding his invitations, his plight against his step-mother, court preliminary investigations and the occasional visits to the hospital to have everything in him checked.

... I wore an eye mask to sleep just for the heck of it.

... Went straight to the shower because I just want to.

... Again, no cute guys riding with me going back home. They're all women.

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It All Starts with a Kiss!

What if the person you have been speaking of for the longest time isn't exactly the person you are really looking forward to be with eventually?

I haven't met this guy yet, but from the looks of it, I'm already judging that he could be NOT the one. It may come to a decent shock to myself that apart from liking what he is saying and being awed with his excellent command of the language, he might fall short of one qualification that I have which I hold very dearly. I'm a sucker for a good kisser.

Again, let me tell this. I may write at least some topics with sense in them but it doesn't mean that I am a very deep person. I am superficial too. My superficiality lies between preference and magical fantasy world.

If you line up all the people that I went gaga over, there is only one common denominator that I have noticed and deduced for that matter. I like kissing them.

The "kiss" I believe is a serious factor that seals my liking to a person. Sometimes, I get all cooked up with how they look and how they expound on topics I may or may not know of, but when it boils down to it, everything fails if they fail to please me in this aspect.

I have fallen in love with all sorts of guys. I have fallen in love with short guys, with fat guys, with people obsessed over how they look and of how much influence they have procured. I have been crazy with someone with slanting eyes, good looking guys, not so good looking guys, all because they were able to seal their package with that one kiss.

Just to be clear however, I have certain sets of ideals. I like guys who sings very well. I like guys who are very confident of what they feel and of who they are. I am exhilarated when I find out that the person holds a certain amount of power. I am thrilled to be with good looking guys, actors, doctors, cute businessmen. People with wide range of experience and knowledge. People who are older than me. Guys who smells good and a nice house to boot all for themselves. But even if I find someone who meets every single ideals I have except for that tiny little display of affection, then all is lost.

It's kinda stupid I know and at the end of the day, I know I wish I didn't say it. This is my life however and what makes me happy should be my priority. Whatever it may say about me then so be it.

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Want to you Newbie part 2

I am not finished yet.

A warning to you newbies out there. Before you decide on getting on aboard with us, homosexuals, be very sure that you are into it. It's either you are or you're not! Spare us from loving you and then dropping us like a hot potato because you just can't do it! Make sure that you have found it to yourself that you wanted to be us or just be on your way. Don't give us the bullshit of saying that you are afraid that people will find out about you because we are just as paranoid as you are. Before you embrace the fact that you like guys too, stop the confusion drama!

I'm sick and tired of this whole bullshit! Can you not first find it to yourself what you are getting into before you get into it?

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Warn to you Newbie!

I just had a brief conversation with someone I have been very keen of dating. All we did was to talk about personal stuff that doesn't really affect us both. Before heading home, I changed the topic to ourselves. I can't remember exactly how the conversation went, but as apparent with all of my blogs, I'm lyrical.

Frankly, I am just upset about the fact that I meet people who are just trying out what it's like going to other side. As I mentioned in my previous blog, I attract these kinds of people. Newbies. In all honesty, I am attracted to them as well.

This guy I have been dating for a while isn't as newbie as I would like to describe him. Apparently, this guy has been in relationships of the same sex so this kind of set-up is not new to him. As with our conversation, he made it clear that he was just afraid of hurting himself again so he is taking it nice and slow.

The big question is where does that place me? I asked him to clarify his intentions. How does he sees me? Am I a friend? Or am I someone he feels who is up and about being more than that? Primarily, my concern was I was afraid of certain situations that may come up. One is misinterpreting the signals. He has been sweet, caring and has shown great respect to me. I feel that he values me in little things he can. He takes time just to see me. I may not come first with everything, but if he can, he will. These small things I see from him makes me feel that he's on to something different other than friendship. Well, to make things simpler, he told me that he wanted to be a friend first then move to the next level because he wanted to know me more. That notion that came from him is very sweet as well as far as I am concerned.

But the problem is, I am new to this kind of situation. Based from my experience, I know a lot of guys who would like to know me first by courting, or putting me in an exclusive dating schtick so that at least I know where we are getting ourselves at. This whole "friend-first" thing is making me uneasy. The evil "what-if" is rearing its ugly face again but I am happy to banish with a snap of a finger.

I am not desperate of getting him into a relationship or getting him into bed with me. All I am saying is that I don't want to come to a point when he finds himself liking me and it's all too late.


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Should reunions feel good after all?

In one of my paper journals, I have written about my "undying" love for someone whom I have never had. This special someone has an inkling of being in show business because he was a very talented singer which I have been very keen of. I guess, it goes to show that when you really like a person, no matter what they do, it's all magical to you.

One night, we did it. And I tell you with complete honesty that even if it was the lamest sex I had, it was the best. I was granted one of my millions of wishes. Thus, I was happy. I could have been even happier if he was happy too. Turns out, as one of his text messages, he was very sorry it has happened. I was hurt, but I tried my best not to let it affect me in any way possible. I know the guy was very devastated then and all I was thinking of was myself. This whole new meaning of selfishness for me has already taken it's toll. Then I realized, it wasn't meant to be.

Few months ago, I received a message from him. I guess it was sometime May 2009. He was asking how I was. I replied that I was doing well and I asked him the same question as well. He said that he still misses me. Truth is, I was happy of finally receiving something from him... whatever it was. But I am not that nearly thrilled about it. I felt that I was being put up on a game I didn't know how to play. It made me furious by the fact that he was making me feel very confused. I feel I was being manipulated because I was vulnerable to him. This is an improper programming I have developed when I was a kid. I have always thought that when people know what you feel, then they have all the rights to control it and bend it to their advantage. It was long before I realized that this is completely and utterly false thus I am trying to break this wall I have built for myself for me to find more happiness. Before I realized this, I have him.

He finally said that he allowed "it" to happen because he like me too. Now, tell me. Am I wrong in feeling confused now? For someone to keep me in the dark on all the things that were happening to him, of his woes, his pain, his depression, he has all the nerves to tell this to me! I was hysterical then! I know I said nasty things to him, but all because I cared for him too much of nothing making me know what's going on. Finally, after all the drama, I have had to drop the line to him: "The nicest thing you could ever do to me is to leave me alone."

After many months of not wanting to see him, after all those painful moments I have to endure whenever I see him on TV, after all the things I did and the things I have thought of just to be near him, all shattered. I was left impoverished. I tried my best to not let it out on things that makes me me. And after months of self-cruelty, I finally found myself and moved on.

I have always wanted to know whatever happened to him. At least, I just want to know whether he is okay or he is still the confused bastard I have met and hated at least. Turns out, he sent me a message through Facebook. I wasn't really touched by what he said because there is nothing melodramatic about it. He was just being sincere in giving out his apology. Whatever it was, I said, is all in the past now. I am happier now than I was before and I know it is alright to be friends again.

Now that he is back, people who knows about him wonders if I still harbor the same feelings I had with him. It is hard to say that I don't. I met him two days ago in one of the bars he was singing for. He went to where we were and I saw him. He has changed a lot though but he is still very clean, neat and handsome. The picture of him that night is still with me, burned in memory forever. Suddenly, I felt conscious of the way I was acting and I still am behaving the same exact way I was behaving whenever I see him. I guess some things never change after all. No matter how much I deny it, I still acknowledge the little fact that there is a place somewhere in my heart for him. Despite the misunderstandings, the hatred I had against him, the apologies, the putting me in the dark, the confusion, the rejection, I suddenly realized that I was still keeping my love for him protected against these.

All I have to do now is to channel this love I am nursing for him to someone else who deserves it better than him.

Another useful blog presented to you by Half-Cooked Adobo. Seriously.

I Shouldn't Share This To You!

A few minutes ago, I was planning of making an blog about gay marriages. What held me back is that it will gear my blog into a different direction. As it is obvious, this blog was dedicated to share what someone like me, a homosexual in the original sense of the world, is made of. I am not made of social issues anyway. Besides, all I am going to say in the my pre-imagined blog is that I am up to it because it will solve 3 crises at one blow!

I like that line, "Homosexual in the original sense of the word." So just to get things straight with you, guys. Again, no pun intended.

I planned of sharing my blog for the first time after a year or so. Well, I did and then after a few days, I decided to remove it. I placed it in one of my social networking sites just for the heck of it. I feel that this is my journal and that I will share my intimate secrets with it. If anyone finds their prying eyes on this piece of material, then I will just be vulnerable to them. That is something I don't wish to happen. Probably, someday I might re-open it to the public. For now, I'm still enjoying every bit of it.

I'm also anxious that one of the people I write about here will find their way here. For the record, I think I have made reference to at least 4 people. If Sam Milby finds my article about him, I'm totally okay with it. Better yet send him a copy through his email or whatever for all I care. If in case these 4 people find their way through my journal, one of them might not read it at all due to certain literary and intellectual concerns which I will not further indicate. Furthermore, I will feel very responsible of what they are going to feel about finding out what I feel about the sitch we were in. (Acid Reflux!) Maybe the others will laugh of how I stupid I was.

I tried my best to be very honest with everything I write about. I just don't name names because it's not my thing to kiss and tell. Hee hee! Or will I ever try to describe them because this is not a blind item. Speaking of blind item, I just found out from a friend that I have people who know me. I don't know if he finds it a turn-off that some people knows who I am... (Hey! I figured a good blog topic! Hahaha!)

And there are some retard critics I have to deal with! They're just making my blog academic. If they can't say something nice, then by all means, say it and say it now! As if I will even care. :)

Let's just not forget the fact that this is mine and I control it. This is my own little universe! If they feel wrong about this, then they should find something to control for themselves--nonetheless.

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On to another year!

For every magazine I have read for the past few years during New Year, there is always a year-ender. If there is such a word.

My wrist is still aching because I just got into a minor accident involving 2 kids, a sled and a steep hill, hopefully this does not find me in bad condition while trying to get over this blog.

As of this comely moment, I am not in a position to write a 'year-ender.' Don't ask me why because I will only answer I am lazy. Browsing through my junk, I realized I haven't done some blogging this year so to formally open the year, here it is.



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