It's the Lover not the Love

I was heart-broken and it was before Christmas time.

...

Okay, the drama king in me just went hay-wire for a minute there. No matter how much I try I still kinda have hopes of being together, but I know it was a little too good to be true. In this event, I know somehow, deep within the head of my penis, there is a small brain that tells me that it just might not work the second time around.

And so, I guess I have to go on and find me another pasture a little greener.

I have narrated in my previous blog that I kinda find someone attractive and that I may find myself lucky enough being with this wonderful person someday. Let me again reiterate that the guy has a girl in his life. It somehow seems so insensitive of me but hey, the "I" in me is showing its face again. I told this to a friend who told me to stop being a fool for once and leave the guy alone.

I just won't. Not that I can't but I certainly won't.

Stupid as it may sound, I know deep within me, I am falling for this guy. And as much as I would like to keep him certain complexities are playing in the field too. Let's forget about the guy and focus on myself. I will be leaving for the states in a couple of days now and we won't be together anymore. Not that we have been together though. It just all seems pointless now that I am getting into another heart-break in the making.

What I was after while reliving my past is that I miss being in love... and the misery it has brought me. It is part of the greater whole that I was looking forward too. It did not make me fear it, it actually made me appreciate how wonderful it feels and all I am banking on it the pleasure that I will receive through loving. And if in case it leads me back to where I was before, then so be it.

Bottom line is, I just miss that feeling that confirmed that I am human.

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